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The Top 5 Reasons Why You Need to Swallow

The Top 5 Reasons Why You Need to Swallow

Posted by RightCoastLexSteele on September 24, 2009 - 157 Comments

Categories: Sex

Notice her nice chin (Sturdy Chin!)

I’ve never quite understood why a blogsite called Three Ways staffed by 4 writers has a fascination with the number 8, so I’m gonna rock with 5 today. That notwithstanding, I have compiled the top 5 reasons why the fairer sex should be having human protein shakes as often as possible. I emphasized top because there are about 56,000 reasons why you should do it, but honestly if I need to give you more than 8, that just means you’re stubborn and I’m wasting my time…and top is also one of the more humorous synonyms for the almighty fellatio.

It feels better

Let’s be real. Men hate condoms. Every man that bothers to put on a rubber before hopping in some gushy warmth curses the Gods that be for having to do so. If he told you he likes them, he’s lying. It’s more like he puts up with it until you change your mind and let him get it skin to skin. And if you are rockin’ skin to skin without birth control, he still has to pull out and find somewhere to rest the kids. (Warning: You should only trust League of Cocksmen certified G’s to pull out. Non-certified cats WILL impregnate you.) Just the split second it takes to make sure you’re all the way out and you’re not blasting off in her fresh perm or new sheets can take away from the sweet sweet esctacy of an orgasm. Solution: swallow. It has all the same benefits of being inside a woman during the orgasm minus all of the horrible 9 month side effects. To hell with Plan B, that should THE Plan.

He likes it

Every man isn’t the same, so naturally they’re gonna like different things offered to them in your Rampin Shop. But I think I can safely say you don’t have to ask your man if he likes being sucked to the last drop. As a great man once said, “If the head right, Biggie there e’ry night.” Newsflash: THIS IS RIGHT. Why does he like it? Refer to reason #1. You know how hard it is to get him to do the stupid crap you want him to do like take out the trash and watch the Tyra show with you? Try this out and I guarantee the trash will be taken out before it’s full and he’ll set a reminder on the cable box for the Tyra show.

It’s only fair

Now if your man doesn’t go down on you, just skip to #4. But if he does, think about this. When he’s down there working his magic and he’s done, where do you think all that lovely moistness goes? That’s right, he swallows it. Even if he grabs the bottle of water or gatorade next to the bed to wash it down, he’s still ingesting it. What makes you think you’re any better? The nerve…

Spitters are quitters

The proof is in the pudding. This has become a quite cliche phrase over the years, but the last time I heard it, I was actually sitting in a diner surrounded by females that were talkin’ smack about chicks that don’t swallow. I was so pleased to hear this I bought them all another round of mimosas. But seriously, on a deeper level, it’s a testimony to character. No one like a quitter, nor do they like anyone to do half the job. When I go for an oil change, they don’t walk up to the car and say “Hey, we got the oil right here, so why don’t you just go ahead and get under there, drain the oil for us and we’ll take care of the rest.” Not a chance in hell. They change the oil, ask me if I want a new filter, top off my other fluids (take that how you want) and check my tire pressure. <——-Thorough. If you quit on me now, what else will you quit at?

If you liked it, you shoulda put ya lips on it

Seattle isn’t shallow enough to say it, so I will. He didn’t break up with you because he’s focused on his career, or he needs some time to himself or whatever the hell he told you. He broke up with you because you.don’t.swallow. And maybe some of those reasons played a role in his decision, but after weighing all the pros and cons, it popped into his head “…and the b*tch don’t swallow. DUECES!” Think about it, being focused on a career is stressful enough, so coming home to a half assed or no bj at all makes for a sour puss. The baddest man on the planet said it best…”I sacrifice so much in my life…I’ve been robbed of most of my money, can I at least get a bl*wj*b?“ So don’t spend too much time trying to figure out why 2 months after he told you he needed to be alone he has a new wifey. SHE SWALLOWS!

Like I said, there are thousands of other reasons why you should which I would love to share with you, but I already had to send Slim a dollar a word on Paypal for the extra hundred words or so. But I’m sure there are a few cats out there that will readily share a reason with you below in the comments section. So the next time a female asks why on Earth should she swallow, tell her to take it 3 ways. Then refer her to our blog. One yaself!

Badder than Sex,

RightCoastLexSteele, I Can Pay Your Bills, But Can You Make My Toes Curl